"Wherefore, O ye illumined youth, strive by night and by day to unravel the mysteries of the mind and spirit, and to grasp the secrets of the Day of God." Baha'u'llah
I am happy to share that we are calling Jadan cancer-free at this time. According to a recent scan and a doctor’s visit, Jadan’s results show the previously enlarged nodes are now of normal size. The cancer that had spread to the nodes was the 80% embryonal carcinoma type, which has responded to the cancer treatment. He will be monitored with blood testing, scans, and chest x-rays every 3-6 months for the next 5 years. He was also given the go-ahead to have his port removed – yay!!!!
Words cannot express our relief. We are deeply grateful for the continued prayers, love, and outpouring of support.
Jadan’s strength is returning daily. He has been attending his classes and preparing for finals. We are also super excited to see his hair growing back, hence my new nickname for him, “peach fuzz”. It really does feel like peach fuzz!
One additional note – we were excited to see our soul gardener still keeping watch over all the blessed souls at the cancer center. We are grateful for all the Soul Gardeners who have joined Jadan on his cancer journey.
As we move forward, we are looking forward to celebrating life with deep gratitude and appreciation. At the same time, we are continuing our grieving journey as our pain of losing Laurie is replaced with deep love.
The holiday season can be especially difficult for those grieving. We send our love to all who are feeling loss. In closing, I have found David Kessler’s six needs of the grieving to be very helpful in navigating my own grief and being supportive of others (Finding Meaning, The Sixth Stage of Grief). Love to all…
It was a day of gratitude and relief. Jadan’s last day of this 12-week chemotherapy treatment for testicular cancer is over. We have been looking forward to this day for a very long time. Personally, I feel exhausted. I have also been emotional off and on all day. I am focusing on the ‘good’ or ‘positive’ of having cancer. I acknowledge that with Jadan’s cancer being curable, we are so fortunate. And I celebrate this. At the same time, we have met so many beautiful people during treatment who are in for the long-term journey. There are so many people from every background, culture, age, gender, etc. Cancer does not discriminate; it takes anyone, as we know too well.
In preparation for today, Jadan and I planned a few tokens of appreciation for our excellent nurse care team. We thought it would be a good idea to replenish their stock of Jolly Rancher hard candies, so they got a 3-lb bag. I had no idea they came in such large quantities. Jadan requested that they each get Soulgardener earrings and a custom pen.
We also included watercolor paints,Be the Change stickers, and a pocket notebook. Health care workers can experience burnout, chronic grief, and compassion fatigue, which can affect the nurse-patient relationship. The time we spent with the nurses only reiterated how vital and essential their work is and how essential acknowledging their key role in healing for all patients is. Words cannot express our gratitude. Health care professionals, especially our nurses, are heroes. They are true Soulgardeners of humanity.
Last but not least, Kevin, Vanny, and Subi ran to Dunkin’ Donuts for some tasty treats for our nurses. Everything was a big hit! Jadan’s nurse put on her earrings and was delighted with her pen.
Jadan’s treatment started at 9:15 am and finished a little past 1 pm. Everything went well.
As we approached the final chemo med infusion, Jadan’s ‘robot shot’ was attached to his abdomen. This device will administer the medication to boost his white blood cells 27 hours after the cisplatin. And yes, this is the last time he will have this done. Yay!!!!
When Jadan’s port was flushed, there was slight nausea, but overall, it was okay. As the nurse removed the Huber needle, she asked, “Wanna ring the bell?” His reply was, “Oh, yes, I want to ring the bell.”
Jadan has made it to the second-to-last day of chemotherapy. Today was the first day we noticed the flip calendar on the counter. Funny how we don’t notice things and then see them as something new. After helping Amanda change the date, he received his words of encouragement and was welcomed to his chair. Even with the excitement of being so close to the end of treatment, he struggled with nausea.
Once again, we were grateful for our very attentive and caring nurse who helped Jadan avoid feeling sick during the Huber needle placement and flushing. Jadan’s vitals are always checked first thing, which was great.
The next task is to visit the blanket oven for a warm blanket to snuggle with. One of the side effects of treatment has been shakiness. Having a blanket on the shoulders or lap helps.
FUN FACT: I checked to see if our little soulgardener was still watching over us, and he was! So cool! He has been there since our first week of treatment. I didn’t expect the little guy to stay there the whole time. It’s very cool that he’s still here!
Overall, today was better than the first few days of treatment. Jadan still experienced off-and-on nausea, but was able to go mindfully still which helped keep getting sick at bay.
We had a visit from Jadan’s doctor toward the end of the day. We learned that he will have another CT scan in about a month. This will be a baseline scan that will help us as we move further into navigating his cancer. Keep in mind that Jadan’s tumor was mixed, 80% treatable with this therapy and 20% only treatable with surgery. What we don’t and still don’t know is the type of cancer that spread to his lymph nodes. The baseline could give us more information on that, but may not. The doctor said it takes time to see the results of chemotherapy. We were relieved to learn his scan will be sooner rather than later.
Mobi welcomed Jadan home. He waited patiently while Jadan was in treatment. All the animals seem to know when he doesn’t feel well. They surround him with snuggles, which is perfect comfort as he prepares for the last day of chemotherapy.
Art for Day 4: Inspired by patience in times of difficulty
“When calamity striketh, be ye patient and composed. However afflictive your sufferings may be, stay ye undisturbed, and with perfect confidence in the abounding grace of God, brave ye the tempest of tribulations and fiery ordeals.”
Fall in Albuquerque is stunning. The previous owners of our home planted a large portion of the yard with Maximilian Sunflowers, which have exploded with beauty. I’ve been going outside every day after returning from Jadan’s treatment. I am captivated by the vibrant colors, their movement in the breeze, and all the life that can be found on the flowers. Immersing myself in beauty helps me navigate the feelings and emotions of Jadan’s cancer journey, as well as help me grieve the loss of Laurie. Seeing flowers bloom and the shimmering sunlight between the flowers and leaves in the trees inspires hope and purpose.
Day 3 started better than the first two days of Jadan’s treatment week. We were a little slow getting ready due to fatigue, but his nausea felt more under control. Jadan has been doing a great job taking his anti-nausea meds before treatment. This seems helpful, along with additional approaches to help with the side effects of the chemo meds.
FUN FACT: On a side note, the kids saw the new Superman movie a few months ago. I heard them talking on and off about it, but didn’t pay too much attention. It wasn’t until I saw it that I realized what they were saying. Evidently, Jadan could be the doppleganger for the Lex Luther character. All Jadan needs is a black coat, and he is all set for Halloween.
We are looking forward to being able to see family more often once treatment is over. It will also be exciting to have family and friends visit.
Wrapping up day 3 was a little rough due to nausea. The highlight was when Subi welcomed Jadan with puppy kisses. She loves going on car rides, especially when they involve picking up the kids.
Jadan has successfully completed day 3 of his last week of chemo. We are getting very excited to complete this treatment and move forward in life.
Day 3 Art is inspired by beauty:
“How wondrous is the unity of the Living, the Ever-Abiding God — a unity which is exalted above all limitations, that transcendeth the comprehension of all created things! He hath, from everlasting, dwelt in His inaccessible habitation of holiness and glory, and will unto everlasting continue to be enthroned upon the heights of His independent sovereignty and grandeur. How lofty hath been His incorruptible Essence, how completely independent of the knowledge of all created things, and how immensely exalted will it remain above the praise of all the inhabitants of the heavens and the earth!
From the exalted source, and out of the essence of His favor and bounty He hath entrusted every created thing with a sign of His knowledge, so that none of His creatures may be deprived of its share in expressing, each according to its capacity and rank, this knowledge. This sign is the mirror of His beauty in the world of creation.“
Baha’u’llah, Gleanings from the Writings of Baha’u’llah, p. 261.
Day 2 started with words of support, encouragement, and nausea. Jadan’s handwritten love messages on his medical bracelet are a necessity now. They are just a small reminder of how much he is appreciated.
It continues to be challenging to see him suffer. He has moved ‘into’ himself these last two days. From the outside, watching is hard. According to Merriam-Webster (2025) suffering is “to come to a knowledge of (something) by living through it”. And when ‘Abdu’l-Baha was asked, “Does the soul progress more through sorrow or through the joy in this world?” he replied, “The mind and spirit of man advance when he is tried by suffering. The more the ground is ploughed the better the seed will grow, the better the harvest will be. Just as the plough furrows the earth deeply, purifying it of weeds and thistles, so suffering and tribulation free man from the petty affairs of this worldly life until he arrives at a state of complete detachment. His attitude in this world will be that of divine happiness” (Paris Talks, p.178). Jadan is a perfect example of how he is commtted to choosing positive thoughts during his last week of treatment. Every time his nurse asks him how he is doing, he says, “I’m good!” even when he is struggling. His strength is an inspiriation.
When nausea hits, a cool wash cloth helps. He tends to get warm and by cooling him down, it helps take the focus off not feeling well. He is still sensitive to the smells of the saline, steroid and chemo meds. The nurses are always coming up with new approaches to navigating the smell difficulties. During the third session, the nurse offered to take out the Huber needle that connects to the port after every infusion. This is still being done and continues to help Jadan not only with deceasing the med smell, but also allows him to shower and sleep more comfortably. A new approach he is trying is having a Jolly Rancher hard candy during the connection of the Huber needle and saline flush. It has helped him have more control over the queasiness. I appreciate the creativity and continued effort of Jadan’s nurses to problem solve his side effects. We are so close to completing his treatment. As Jadan says through out the day, “I”m good!”. Yes, he is.
Today’s art is dedicated to the powers of the mind: attention, thinking and memory. The video is a project that was included in a recent presention on how attention, thinking and memory serves information processing in human life span development. The Zentangle Method is an easy-to-learn, relaxing, and fun way to create beautiful images by drawing structured patterns. It increases focus and creativity, provides artistic satisfaction along with an increased sense of personal well-being. The Zentangle Method is enjoyed all over the world, across a wide range of skills, interests and ages. You will need paper, pencil and pen. If you want to add color, water color or colored pencils will do. Enjoy!
We have been preparing ourselves for this week for days. Going into Jadan’s last week of chemo is filled with many emotions. Gratitude for all the love and support that has been a constant reminder of not being alone, and grieving the loss of life as it was before. Also, feelings of excitement, hope, optimism, and curiosity as to what the future will hold. We have talked about future plans all through chemotherapy, and are finally getting close to making those plans a reality. We have three exciting events happening in May: Anya graduates from 5th grade, Kyler graduates from high school, and Bella graduates from Lewis & Clark.
One undeniable truth connecting every human being is that we will all face death in our own time. Over the last year, experiencing time has been redefined. It used to be that time revolved around a clock—time to wake up, eat, work, etc., and it often felt like time wasn’t enough, as if it was a commodity or resource. Now, during chemotherapy, our time is filled with taking actions that will cure Jadan’s cancer. We are surrounded by precious souls who may or may not have the favorable prognosis we gratefully have. Some are given notice that their time is approaching, yet continue to live with grace, purpose, and peace. But the truth is, we all exist in time outside the clock, whether we realize it or not. It is what we do with the little time we have in this moment that matters. Reflecting on the human life span reminds me of Carl Sagan’s Pale Blue Dot cosmic perspective.
Jadan received his words of encouragement upon checking in. This small token of love and support is one of the first things we look forward to, along with being greeted with warm welcomes by Jadan’s care staff. Everyone was very excited to see Jadan, especially since this was his last week of treatment. So many have taken a liking to Jadan. They see their kids in him and have a special investment and interest in his healing.
Once treatment began, the nausea kicked in. Afterward, he could enjoy a little bit of a second breakfast. Good old McDonald’s breakfast burritos with hot picante did the trick. From that point, Jadan managed to rest through the rest of his treatment. Hearing the bell ring was one of the highlights of our first day back. One of the patients completed their treatment and marked the occasion by ringing the bell. Everyone clapped with excitement. Knowing that Jadan will be ringing the bell on Friday inspires anticipation and renewed commitment to finish this week strong.
Jadan had a warm welcome from Po and Subi. They surrounded Jadan and were happy to see him. It was nice to see a smile on his face after today’s rough first day. The rest of the afternoon was dedicated to rest and food.
Only 4 more days!!!
Today’s Art is inspired by gratitude for science:
O God, O Thou Who hast cast Thy splendor over the luminous realities of men, shedding upon them the resplendent lights of knowledge and guidance, and hast chosen them out of all created things for this supernal grace, and hast caused them to encompass all things, to understand their inmost essence, and to disclose their mysteries, bringing them forth out of darkness into the visible world! “He verily showeth His special mercy to whomsoever He will.”¹
O Lord, help Thou Thy loved ones to acquire knowledge and the sciences and arts, and to unravel the secrets that are treasured up in the inmost reality of all created beings. Make them to hear the hidden truths that are written and embedded in the heart of all that is. Make them to be ensigns of guidance amongst all creatures, and piercing rays of the mind shedding forth their light in this, the “first life.”² Make them to be leaders unto Thee, guides unto Thy path, runners urging men on to Thy Kingdom.
Thou verily art the Powerful, the Protector, the Potent, the Defender, the Mighty, the Most Generous.
The Sandias are beautiful, and today was stunning. A cold front was working its way in, and clouds hung low across the Sandia Crest. Van and I did some studying at a local coffee shop, only to get word that the storm had arrived.
We thought is wise to head home, but realized we were right in the heart of it. The rain in Albuquerque is different from what I’ve experienced in Colorado. It seems as if the drops hold more water here. From the coffee shop to the car was enough time to get soaked.
Once back home, it was clear Jadan was still feeling sick from treatment. However, this week’s robot shot went as planned, which was a relief.
Later in the evening, I called Jadan’s doctor to give an update on his nausea. Jadan had been sick since the end of Friday’s treatment—actually, he had not been well all week. The doctor sent us to the ER for fluids and anti-nausea meds. Once there, they took blood and set up into a private room due to being immunocompromised. It took a little while to get settled, but once we did, I felt grateful.
It seemed like a long time before he got his meds – in that time, he got sicker. His body was not able to stop the cycle of vomiting even though he hadn’t eaten.
Finally, as medications were administered, his body was able to relax and rest. We were in the ER from 9 pm – 1 am. As we left, he still felt a little nausea but once home, was able to sleep until the next morning. On Sunday, he was better but very fatigued. He spent the day resting and starting on bland foods.
The hospital staff were very kind and took great care of Jadan. Once again, I am extremely grateful for all the medical support. Knowing that we have great care, and all the love and support from family and friends, inspires us to persevere. One of the photos my dad sent Jadan is a perfect example of inspiration. Jadan was 3 years old in this photo. He loved his hat and his cowboy boots. Yes, he is wearing his boots in these photos, but besides his hat, that was it.
Today’s prayer is for children – one of the kids’ favorites when they were little.
O God, guide me, protect me, make of me a shining lamp and a brilliant star. Thou art the Mighty and the Powerful.
The last day of chemotherapy for the third session went okay. Jadan still felt nauseous but managed to eat a couple of breakfast burritos from McDonald’s. And what would life be like without hot picante sauce?
When it comes to food, if he wants it, we get it. We are never sure if something will work, especially since feeling sick has been so difficult this week.
It was exciting to reach the last day of treatment for round three. Knowing that he has two weeks off to recover and only one more week left – 5 DAYS! – is a relief. He’s got this!!!
From the start of coming to treatment, we noticed the office decor. There are flying pigs everywhere. We finally asked Amanda at the front desk about the meaning behind “when pigs fly!” She said all the pig art has been there for years—it was there when she started working. She also said that the patients absolutely love it. When patients come in, they laugh and remind her never to change it. I guess the pig art will change “when pigs fly!”.
Prayer for the last day of chemo:
O God, my God! Fill up for me the cup of detachment from all things, and in the assembly of Thy splendors and bestowals, rejoice me with the wine of loving Thee. Free me from the assaults of passion and desire, break off from me the shackles of this nether world, draw me with rapture unto Thy supernal realm, and refresh me amongst the handmaids with the breathing of Thy holiness.
O Lord, brighten Thou my face with the lights of Thy bestowals, light Thou mine eyes with beholding the signs of Thine all-subduing might; delight my heart with the glory of Thy knowledge that encompasseth all things, gladden Thou my soul with Thy soul-reviving tidings of great joy, O Thou King of this world and the Kingdom above, O Thou Lord of dominion and might, that I may spread abroad Thy signs and tokens, and proclaim Thy Cause, and promote Thy teachings, and serve Thy Law and exalt Thy Word.
Thou art, verily, the Powerful, the Ever-Giving, the Able, the Omnipotent.
Deciding to change out the port dressings after each treatment has helped. Jadan still has difficulty with the chemo smell, but it has lessened with the bandage removed daily. It is interesting how the smell can immediately trigger nausea. He can even taste the saline when his port is flushed at the beginning and end of the daily infusions. The powers of the human body is fantastic.
One of his nurses shared how some of her past patients associate nausea with seeing her. The association is powerful. I love how his nurses are always exploring ways to help him in any way they can. We are grateful for their constant creative approaches to solving these issues. I can’t imagine not having the care and support of his care team.
Jadan moved through Thursday with his nausea and a growing feeling of relief knowing that he is getting close to the end of his chemotherapy. After every session, I watch the nurses gather all the medication bags from the stand. It is a daily reminder that Jadan’s body is enduring not one side effect of the chemo, but many, including fatigue, nausea, hair loss, potential hearing damage/loss, and a compromised immune system, all at once. His strength is awe-inspiring.
The stress of Jadan suffering from nausea this week has taken its toll on all of us. A deep feeling of exhaustion has set in, and it’s been difficult to concentrate on school and life. The day ended with a brief outing to Green Jeans Food Hall, one of my favorite spots to get crispy veggie tacos with green chili and lime. It is also a time to sit outside and appreciate the beauty of Albuquerque and prepare for Friday’s last day of this week’s chemo treatment.
Prayer-inspired art for Day 4: The Fire Tablet by Bahá’u’lláh, revealed in 1871, in the prison-city of ‘Akká, Israel.
Treatment continues. In between not feeling well from treatment side effects, Jadan managed to figure out how much platinum he would get during his entire treatment. The cancer-killing drug is cisplatin, which damages the DNA of the cancer cells, inhibiting their growth. Jadan calculated that he would get 468 mg or 0.016 ounces overall. Another fun fact is that Jadan’s favorite molecular geometric shape is a square planar, precisely cisplatin’s shape. He appreciates its symmetry and kite-like design.
During chemo week, Jadan gets his treatment from 9 to 1 p.m. daily. During this time, I am able to study and work. We found this portable desk last week, which has made all the difference. I now have a pop-up office next to Jadan.
Jadan continues to suffer from the cancer medication side effects. He has become sensitive to light and has started wearing a mask as he rests. One of his go-to approaches to managing his nausea is music. Earbuds are a must.
Toward the end of the day, the chemo smell continued to cause nausea. With the nurse’s help, he considered removing the access tube and dressing his port. She thought it was a great idea. Having it removed would eliminate some of the smell and also free him up for a shower. She assured him that they can do this every day if needed. On our way out, we determined that Jadan was both strong and stinky, strong in the sense that he is making it through a difficult and challenging health crisis, and stinky because he smells like chemo treatment.
Day #3 Art inspired by the ocean.
O wayfarer in the path of God! Take thou thy portion of the ocean of His grace, and deprive not thyself of the things that lie hidden in its depths. Be thou of them that have partaken of its treasures. A dewdrop out of this ocean would, if shed upon all that are in the heavens and on the earth, suffice to enrich them with the bounty of God, the Almighty, the All-Knowing, the All-Wise. With the hands of renunciation draw forth from its life-giving waters, and sprinkle therewith all created things, that they may be cleansed from all man-made limitations and may approach the mighty seat of God, this hallowed and resplendent Spot.
Bahá’u’lláh, Gleanings from the Writings of Bahá’u’lláh, p. 279-280
Soul Gardening: Jadan's Cancer Journey 