Thursday, August 7th: “I have bone pain!”

A needle applicator that is used to administer blood cell growth medication.

According to Dr. Purdy, Jadan’s oncologist, “Bone pain is good; it means you are making white blood cells.” Last Saturday, just before 4 p.m., Jadan’s robot shot successfully administered the medication that stimulates white blood cell growth. One of the side effects of this process is bone pain, which showed up today. So far, he is managing through the pain quite well. Jadan has also been continuing to do well with food, but has different cravings quite often. He has also been feeling strong enough to go on short walks, avoiding direct sunlight due to his medications being light sensitive. However, since Jadan is a walker and loves being outside, I am keeping a close eye on him.

Jadan had an excellent visit from Anya yesterday. She made him the most delicious apple pie infused with love – it even had a heart on top! Apple pie is one of Jadan’s favorite desserts, it couldn’t have been more thoughtful and yummy!

Anya started 5th grade today. Happy back to school, Anya! We are looking forward to the back-to-school picnic in a few weeks.

August 5th marked 6 months since Laurie’s death and 2 months since we learned of Jadan’s cancer. This is how we tell time these days. Our experience with loss and serious illness has redefined our relationship with time. In a way, our current reality feels familiar, like we’ve been here before…we have. And at the same time, we are living a new moment in time that unfolds daily, and as we continue to move through the pain of loss. Kulber-Ross and Kessler state, “The pain of loss is so intense, so heartbreaking, because in loving, we deeply connect with another human being, and grief is the reflection of the connection that has been lost,” which in turn becomes “the healing process that ultimately brings us comfort” as we embrace our love in experiencing the pain of loss. Essentially, if we “avoid the pain of loss,” we would need to “avoid the love and the life we shared” (On Grief and Grieving, p. 203). Another quote that resonates deeply is from ‘Abdu’l-Bahá. He states, ” To attain eternal happiness one must suffer. He who has reached the state of self-sacrifice has true joy” (Paris Talks, p. 178). Experiencing Jadan’s cancer journey so close to our experience with Laurie’s cancer journey is dreamlike. It is an opportunity to embrace the love found hidden within our grief in losing Laurie, and, at the same time, it strengthens our understanding of purpose and meaning, as we focus on healing and a full recovery for Jadan’s cancer.

Lovelace Medical Center – St. Joseph Square,
where Jadan receives his cancer care.

According to this morning’s blood test results, Jadan’s white blood cell count looks good. Dr. Purdy is happy with how Jadan responds to the robot shot from this weekend. However, there was some not-so-good news also. One of the side effects of cisplatin is loss of hearing. Cisplatin is the key to curing Jadan’s cancer. Jadan has had light ringing in his ears a few times this week and noticed a slight change in his hearing that comes and goes. In light of this, Jadan will see an audiologist ASAP to test his hearing. Once we learn the results, we will know the following steps, which may include another medication that will require him to stay in the hospital for the duration of his August 18th week-long chemotherapy treatment. More to come on this new development. In the meantime, we are hopeful that his hearing has not been negatively affected and he can continue on his current treatment plan.

Your prayers and support are greatly appreciated. Thank you to all who sent cards filled with beautiful art, love, and encouragement. Words fall short in expressing our gratitude. I am inspired by Jadan’s courageous spirit and positive attitude. He is committed to being cancer-free and faces each challenge with his zestful smile and determined spirit.

Art inspired by the innate powers and qualities of youth, as stated by ‘Abdu’l-Bahá;

Man’s life has its springtime and is endowed with marvelous glory. The period of youth is characterized by strength and vigor and stands out as the choicest time in human life. Therefore you should strive day and night so that endowed with heavenly strength, inspired with brilliant motives and aided by His celestial power and heavenly grace and confirmation, you may become the ornaments of the world of humanity, and preeminent among those who are initiated into true learning and the love of God. You must be distinguished amidst men by your sanctity and detachment, loftiness of purpose, magnanimity, determination, noble- mindedness, tenacity, the elevation of your aims and your spiritual qualities; that you may become the means of exaltation and glory for the Cause of God and the dawning places of His heavenly bestowals; that you may conduct yourselves in conformity with the counsels and exhortations of the Blessed Beauty—may my life be offered up for His loved ones—and by reflecting Baha’i qualities and attributes, you may stand out distinguished from others. ‘Abdu’l-Baha eagerly anticipates that each one of you may become even as a fearless lion moving in the pastures of human perfection and a musk-laden breeze wafting over the meads of virtue.”

Grieve Not…

One of my favorite quotes from ʻAbdu’l-Bahá inspired the music “Be the Wind,” created by one of the youth and musician extraordinaireEric Harper, during our 2022 Transformative Leadership for Youth seminar. 

“O ye beloved of God! When the winds blow severely, rains fall fiercely, the lightning flashes, the thunder roars, the bolt descends and storms of trial become severe, grieve not; for after this storm, verily, the divine spring will arrive, the hills and fields will become verdant, the expanses of grain will joyfully wave, the earth will become covered with blossoms, the trees will be clothed with green garments and adorned with blossoms and fruits.” Bahá’í World Faith

We are preparing for the storm. The theme of this quote gives meaning and purpose to the storm and all that it brings. As wayfarers of the storm, we are encouraged to see the blessing found within the grief. During Laurie’s journey, I studied the five stages of grief from Elisabeth Kübler-Ross. An example of this has been one of the most stunning and profound insights from On Grief & Grieving, that it is within the stage of denial, where disbelief and shock are experienced, that one can discover grace. Denial protects us from the unimaginable. It is through the grace within denial that one comes to terms with reality and the ability to survive what initially feels impossible to endure (Kübler-Ross and Kessler, p. 10). Jadan begins his first week of chemotherapy on Monday. We have been told that chemo will be harsh and will have a multitude of ill side effects. It is our conviction to not only see the blessings within the storm but to be the blessings on this journey.  

One of Albuquerque’s most beautiful qualities is its art community. A wide variety of art and artists provide local inspiration and beauty.

One of the recent spaces Jadan and Van found is GuitarVista. They buy/sell/trade various instruments to the community, including acoustic and electric guitars and mandolins. There, Jadan found a beautiful electric guitar that will feed his soul during the next few months. He has been playing it daily in preparation for next week.

There is one constant that will never change – that is change itself. Bella and Van have made their way to Colorado to visit family and friends in preparation for the new school year. Bella returns to her final year at Lewis & Clark College in Portland, Oregon, while Vanny returns to Albuquerque to attend the University of New Mexico. As hard as it was, the girls said goodbye while all three gave Subi a squishy hug.

Juvenile – female

I have been preparing for the storm by photographing local hummingbirds. Our home has been surrounded with hummingbird feeders, which happily attract several species of hummingbirds. Becoming familiar with the Black-Chinned Hummingbird has been exciting, as it is new to me.

Juvenile – male

It has been especially inspiring to get to know the local juveniles. They seem more comfortable being stared at and photographed, even coming to my window when I am not outside with them. They also seem to know who fills their feeders. If I am a day or two late with fresh food, they seem to have quite a bit to say about it.

We miss Laurie every day.

Laurie spinning Jadan (age 5) at White Sands National Park, NM in 2010.

A few days ago, we visited her grave, added orange flowers (her favorite color,) and said a prayer. A friend recently reminded me of how the souls in the next world continue to interact and assist us in this world through prayer and bounties. The thought of Laurie’s soul assisting and bestowing bounties upon Jadan during his cancer journey fills my heart with grace and gratitude. Jadan was very attached to Laurie in his younger years and loved her deeply as he grew older. I have no doubt that the power of love binds their souls together to this day.

In the world of existence there is indeed no greater power than the power of love.

ʻAbdu’l-Bahá